Why Does One Always Equal More?

This could also be entitled, "Is Soccer The Answer?" or "Is It All Or Nothing?"

The other night I went out with a girlfriend for dinner (Yeah!)

The meeting's agenda really only had one topic--What to do about our kids.

She said, "I'm going to figure this out for you." She's been watching the Dog Whisperer. Maybe it will be helpful. Maybe it has, or she has, some idea that the 30 + parenting books, 1,000 other conversations, and many tearful nights have not had.

She (a different she) has a lot of energy. She doesn't have something that she feels good at. "Maybe soccer would be the answer?" "Or maybe a jump rope team?" I've debated this one before. This would release energy, maybe this would release aggression? This might give her something to love. She could feel good about it. She could feel good about herself? (Is this completely flawed logic? That will be a question for another day.) Is that all that the thousands and thousands of hours of agony and discussion and soul searching boil down to? If I had just found soccer sooner...

For the record we have done soccer, and tap, and gymnastics, and ballet, and rhythmic gymnastics, and recorder, and Girl Guides, and computers, and photography, and biking, and...

Now comes the question above. At the moment we are one small family taking two girls to school, one boy to speech therapy, and two girls to piano lessons. (=5) We have not always been so streamlined. Maybe soccer is the answer? Chas would also like to play soccer, probably more than Naomi would. He has never gotten to try anything other than reading books on the couch with Mom, speech therapy, and brain surgery. Ok, soccer for two. Oh, and remember that slice of bologna in the middle? She has been pleading to take gymnastics again for about six months. She has a little friend who would like to take gymnastics with her, which would be very positive, because Eliza feels like she hasn't really made friends in our new lives here. (Now we're at 8.) Oh, by the way, soccer is one practice per week and one game per week. (Make that 10.) We'll take one order of sports for each child and continue on with piano lessons. It's time for Chas to start too. (=11) To add to my confusion, I am often circling around the fact that a tutor for Naomi might be helpful to make school not so much of a struggle. All tutors we've ever spoken to say that there isn't much benefit to the child without meeting two to three times per week. How can I say soccer is the answer when she may drown in school next year? We better add tutoring. (13-14) 14 plus Kindergarten plus Activity Days = 16.

Remember the Conference Talk a few years ago where Elder Ballard told of "one mother [whose] children had 29 scheduled commitments every week...She felt like a taxi driver." I think he said it as an extreme example. We all felt sorry for this poor mother who was so overstretched. She was probably just a mom with five kids each in one sport, one instrument, and church commitments. That equals 29 before you blink.

So, is it all or nothing? Would soccer help or cause more problems? Does it just open a can of worms? Am I over-analysing something that really should be a very simple decision about whether a kid wants to play on a neighborhood soccer team or not?

"The amount of children-and-parent time absorbed in the good activities of private lessons, team sports, and other school and club activities also needs to be carefully regulated. Otherwise, children will be overscheduled, and parents will be frazzled and frustrated. Parents should act to preserve time for family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and the other precious togetherness and individual one-on-one time that binds a family together and fixes children’s values on things of eternal worth." Elder Dallin H. Oaks (“Good, Better, Best,” Ensign, Nov 2007)