Why Did I Buy Size 16 Jeans?

Was it so that when they fall off thirty times a day I can feel like I'm losing weight?

Was it because I had four kids with me at Wal-Mart while I was trying them on?

Was it because I was so desperate to wear non-maternity clothes that I settled for anything without a knit panel?

Was it because the 14's were too tight and they stupidly don't make 15's? Ding ding ding. Right answer.

Why don't they make 15's?

And why do the waist of jeans only go halfway to the waist?

Do You Have Any Electric Fans?

London Drugs: "Sorry, we're all sold out."

Do you have any fans?

Superstore: "Sold out."

Do you have any fans?

Walmart: "We sold out days ago."

What do I get for toughing out the heat wave longer than everyone else? No fans.

But, at Home Depot. Do you sell electric fans?

"They're right in front of the lumber till."

I think I'll kiss you. Either that or buy Home Depot stock.

Each child chose a fan. I got another one for the living room. Three sweaty, red-faced kids hugged their boxes of fans-to-be and grinned. The woman at the till said, "Look at their faces. They think it's Christmas."