Don't I KNOW Anything?

I knew when I began this blog that I had more questions than answers, but I had no idea the discrepancy would be so dramatic.

The tally at the top has been unnerving me for weeks now.

So, I've been wracking my brain to find Answers. I'm coming up very short.

I don't know what color to paint my living room.
I don't know how many kids to have.
I don't know what to pack for lunch that anyone will eat.
I don't know how to both simplify and magnify my church callings.
I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
I don't know where I put my keys.

But, there are a few things I do know. There aren't many, I've realized, but they're the big ones. The answers that really matter, I have. I have them and I know I have them.

Here's One. Answer #10--I Know That God is the Father of My Spirit and the Creator of My Body and that it is my potential to be like Him.

and Answer #11--I Know What Matters Most in Life. I don't do it a lot of the time. That's the problem, of course. But I know what it is.

and Answer #12--I Know That Heavenly Father Speaks To His Children. He speaks to prophets. He spoke to Joseph Smith. My life is happy because of the truths He teaches.

The disparity between Questions (193) and Answers (12) is still ridiculous, but if this were a weighted formula, I think I would be coming out ahead.

Instead of

Q + A = Me,

Something like

Q + KA = Me, where K = ∞.

What's A Pioneer Trek?

Here is a dizzying 3.5 minutes of pictures that represents:

Thousands of hours of preparation
9 buildings painted
1 temple built
185 youth attending
55 adult leaders
18 re-enactment scenes from Church History
26 rehearsal days
3 work-Saturdays that involved hundreds of men
5 days of living in a history lesson

And hopefully hundreds of changed lives. Hopefully, youth who now appreciate in a real way what men and women will sacrifice for what they know to be true. Minds that recognize that meeting hardship with courage and persecution with patience is the Lord's way. Hearts that will see their own trials as an opportunity to shine the way pioneers of the 1800s did.

I hope that hundreds were strengthened and taught. But, I know for sure that one was.

President Christensen asked if it was all worth it. I've asked myself that for months now. His answer was, "Absolutely!"

My answer is not so simple. Mine sounds like, Please let it have worked. Please let the youth understand what we tried to communicate in all of these hours of labour. The Newel K Whitney store full of treats and wooden toys, and the blacksmith who fashioned "prarie diamond" rings out of nails, and the stilt races, and the quilting, and the daily newspaper, and the square dancing, and the stool crafts, and the stained glass, and the rifle shooting. These were all only a backdrop to convey the real message: Jesus Christ has a church on the earth. He is real and He offers the way to happiness for the 80 years we get on earth and the eternities we get after those 80 years. His church was organized on the earth many times, including in the 1800s by Joseph Smith. But it is not Joseph Smith's church. It is the Lord's! It continues on with a living prophet. And it will continue on until the Saviour comes again. Saints in the 1800s knew it. That's why they endured what they did. People know it now. That's why they spend thousands of hours creating a pioneer Trek. His work deserves our very best efforts and our sacrifice. Oh, please let them have heard the message. Then it will all be worth it a hundred times over.

Do You Want Me To Do More In Relief Society?

Several weeks ago I gave a workshop at a Relief Society Evening. Until then I hadn't met the Stake Relief Society President. And she didn't come to my presentation, so I still don't really know her.

Last week the Relief Society Secretary sent out a general email asking for feedback on the Relief Society Evening and what we would like to see taught next year. I replied with quite a long list of ideas for topics I would be interested in seeing.

Yesterday I received this email from the Stake Relief Society President:

"I feel impressed to share with you a quote from Boyd K. Packer: 'Your every need shall be fulfilled, now, and in the eternities; every neglect will be erased; every abuse will be corrected. All this can come to you and come quickly, when you devote yourself to Relief Society.' I haven't always known the truthfulness of this generous promise but I do now, and pray that it will be yours as you need it."

I don't get it.

Is she suggesting that I should be more devoted to Relief Society than I am? (I LOVE Relief Society)

And what I really want to know is--Are the neglects and abuses that will be erased and corrected the ones I am perpetrating or the ones I may have endured? Somehow I think it's the latter, but what I really need is the former.

Is It Hypocrisy To Teach Something I Don't Know How To Live?

What if I went to a University and tried to teach Biology? That would be a bad idea. My last biology class was in Grade 12 (it was Grade 9 Biology.)

My assigned workshop topic for this Friday's Relief Society Stake Super-Something-or-Other is "Finding Joy in the Sabbath Day."
I agreed before I knew the topic.
I said, "I would be happy to."
I didn't mean it.
I might be happier if it were entitled, "Surviving the Sabbath."

My visiting teaching companion, who is about 65, said this was the last workshop in the world she would choose to attend.

Me too, I think.

Why Do I Serve In The Church?

A week ago I was in charge of a meeting for the 30 Trek cast members who will be doing more than a dozen "re-enactments" (mini-plays) depicting Joseph Smith's life and other events of the early Restoration of the Gospel.

As a light introduction to the weightier things we would need to discuss and by way of an apology for not being more on top of things, I explained the make-up of our committee to the cast members who were there:

On my second Sunday in our new ward in September, Karie (the Stake Young Women's President) pulled me into the kitchen (when I was supposed to be in Relief Society--My mother always told me to be where I should be when I should be), closed the door and said, "Oh I am so glad you've moved here." Thanks, I think we're glad too. "You are an answer to my prayers." Oh? "What do you know about theatre?" Nothing. I was once in a high school play, I didn't have any lines, and I was lousy. "OK, perfect. We have this situation of two women in charge of a large cast of people for Trek and they're both pregnant, and one is a high risk pregnancy and one will have a 4 month old baby at the time of Trek, so they really need some help." I'm trying to get pregnant. Karie counts nine months out on her fingers, realizes that if I got pregnant I would be due exactly during Trek and says, "Oh I think it will all work out. I knew you were an answer to my prayers." I know nothing about theatre, I may be in a trickier spot with a baby than either of these other women, but somehow maybe it will all work out?

Now, I am pregnant, will be 37 weeks pregnant at Trek and still know nothing about theatre. One more woman has been brought on to the committee and so now here is what we consist of: Between the four of us we currently have 12 callings, 12 children, one emergency c-section a month ago, one newborn baby in the hospital for a week with respiratory problems, one cracked tailbone, one woman 41 weeks pregnant and on bed rest for the last 2 months, one 4 year old son with brain tumour surgery, and one woman 20 weeks pregnant. No wonder we're a bit behind on rehearsals.

Sometimes I wonder if this sort of insanity is what the Lord wants for us? Isn't this akin to what the pioneers went through? Is this "wasting and wearing out our lives" to a good purpose? Is this serving Him with all our "heart, might, mind, and strength"? Is my family coming first in all of this?

I don't know.

Here's what I do know. Two weeks ago I had a meeting of directors at our house and I felt grateful to have quick, real friends in a new place. Last week we had our first rehearsal and I felt in awe of being part of something much bigger than I could ever accomplish on my own. Today I set about trying to write an additional part of the script about the Organization of the Relief Society and felt touched by the miracle of the Restoration and the vast potential of good women.