either we are becoming better friends,

or I am becoming a worse housekeeper

because everytime you come to visit
my house is at a lower standard of "clean"

I'm glad you're coming.
Please don't wear your glasses.

"You Could Keep A Kosher Kitchen,"

Noa said, "because you have two sinks." She is my lovely Jewish friend from Israel. She is not orthodox, but just Jewish "because I'm Jewish."

Her sister, on the other hand, lives a completely orthodox Jewish life, complete with two sinks and two sets of dishes. Her sister doesn't accidentally let her skin brush against her husband's as they pass in the hallway during her unclean time. Her sister has kept having children until she finally had a girl (child number 7) because she must have both sons and daughters unless specifically given permission by the Rabbi not to.

I could listen to Noa describe her sister's life endlessly. Noa always describes her with love and a shrug of the shoulders. I always listen torn between completely relating to the sister's way of life that seems so extreme to others and feeling that a lot of the steps (or limiting them on the Sabbath) are completely ridiculous.

And as I scrubbed my second little sink today that would allow me to live an orthodox and Kosher life, I wondered what practices I may have adopted in an effort to follow the Saviour that might be completely ridiculous too.

Was It You?

Or you?

or you?

or you? or you?

or you or you or you or you?


givinganonymously.org



Thank You!

Why Are All of My Friends So Much More Talented...

...and Wittier, and Smarter, and More Generous, and Wiser Than I Am?

I must have really good taste.

When...

When is our next two-hour walk filled with rich conversation?

When do I get to see the 211 pictures you took?

When do we get to see the Red Sox win? or at least score a run?

When will we finish sorting out how to be cheerleaders to the people we love?

When will we debate private schools vs. public schools?

When do we get to finish the other topics on the list on the fridge?

When is the Settlers of Catan rematch?

When do I get to taste the pumpkin butter?

When will I get to hug Caroline goodbye?

When are you coming to visit us?

Answer #5--Something Is Better Than Nothing (Part II)

And Answer #7--Act To Do Good Quickly

Naomi's friend's mother had a baby a few months ago. I wanted to take her a meal. I wanted to take her kids for a playdate. I waited for the right moment. I wished I had the right food to cook. I didn't have her phone number. I tried to find the day that would work best. And in the end I did nothing. Stink!

I had a baby last week. A friend brought us cheesecake, Frutopia juice, blueberries, a box of individually wrapped snacks and a container of cream cheese. What a strange combination of food. What a gift it was to eat those blueberries by the handful at 5:30 in the morning, and give my kids the snacks when they were grumpy, and have cheesecake for lunch while everyone else was at church. The next day she called to invite all my kids over for a playdate. She said, in her experience, Day 3 was the worst. She remembered and acted before it was day 4 or 7 or 43.

I hope I've learned my lesson: A container of cream cheese is helpful. And act now while it is still Day 3.

"Is She The Same One Who...?"

"Yes," I didn't let my mother finish the question, "She's the same one as everything."

"The same one who made the quiet book?"

"Yes, and the same one who brought the cheesecake and all the food over.

And the same one who had Naomi sleep over when I was having the baby.

And the one who was making the dresses for Ethiopia.

And the amazing primary music leader I've been telling you about.

And the one who picked up my kids when I got stuck at the hospital with Chas before she really even knew me. And when I got to her house had a meal ready to send home with me even though she and her family all had colds.

And the one who took all three of my kids on a picnic outing yesterday when they'd been cooped up watching Avatar for a week.

She's the one who made this 'diaper wreath' and brought over a bag of hand-me-down baby boy clothes.

She's the same one as everything."


"My goodness! What a woman!"

Do You Know That I Think Of You?

1. Do you know that I miss you every time I blow dry my hair with that round blue brush you gave me 15 years ago?
2. Do you know that I picture us in the foyer of the church laughing when I hear the word phrenologist?
3. Do you know that I think of your lullaby voice when I sing to my kids at night?
4. Do you know that I think of you as I put on my makeup and realize that I haven't bought one piece of it without you there to help me?
5. Do you know that I think of you every time I make bread and wonder if it really is saving me money once you calculate the energy costs along with the ingredients cost?
6. Do you know that I think of you whenever I hear that someone is going to Europe? And also whenever I think of gross hotels?
7. Do you know that you represent New York to me?
8. Do you know that I think of you (and Miss Pearl) when I see my kids dance?
9. Do you know that I think of you constantly because my daughter has your name?
10. Do you know that I wish you were here when I need someone to tell me if I missed a spot curling the back of my hair?
11. Do you know that I think of you and smile when I fold socks, lose socks, store odd socks, and wonder about nearly holey socks? Also every Monday and Wednesday when I swim in the slowest lane at the pool?
12. Do you know that I remember you roughhousing with me on Grandma's ugly orange carpet when Dallin tickles my kids?
13. Do you know that you give me courage when I'm struggling with a child at the piano?
14. Do you know that I think of you when I go running and wish there were an ice cream parlor at the end?
15. Do you know that I wonder what you are up to when they sing "Search, Ponder and Pray" in Primary?
16. Do you know that I remember other lessons you taught me every time I empty the lint catcher in the dryer and on summer mornings when I shut all the windows?
17. Do you know that I think of happy parties at your house when we have to make another trip to the pool store?
18. Do you know that I admire you for a million reasons as my kids whine when I ask them to fetch something from the food storage room?
19. Do you know that I remember the day you bought me the pink Idaho T-shirt every time I do something nice for my nieces?
20. Do you know that I wish we were in touch when I try to think of the right word to use in something I'm writing?
21. Do you know that I feel grateful for you most Sundays because I can sing the alto line of the hymns?
22. Do you know that I long for the good old days whenever I need a cup of milk or two eggs?
23. Do you know that I admire you when I read terms in a cookbook that don't seem like English to me (maybe they're not)?
24. Do you know that I feel strengthened knowing that you feel sorrow too?
25. Do you know that I think how much I love you every time my stomach growls in public?

Do you know how very grateful I am to have you all in my life? Probably not, because I don't tell you very often.

I am so very grateful that you are part of my life. And I'm grateful to have trivial things that remind me of you in a real way so often.

Can you figure out which one is you? (1 Becky, 2 Heather, 3 Julie, 4 Jennifer H, 5 Shelley, 6 Amy, 7 Jennifer S, 8 Merinda, 9 Eliza, 10 Christine, 11 Colleen, 12 Fred, 13 Christina, 14 Katherine, 15 Jennie, 16 Grandma Barbara, 17 Melanie, 18 Ellen, 19 Mary Ann, 20 Karen, 21 Larissa, 22 Reena, 23 Shawna, 24 Jodi, 25 Dallin)

Am I The Only Person On The Planet Who Can Not Multi-Task?

A friend asked me many months ago what I think about while I'm cleaning house and doing other "brainless" tasks. So, I took note next time I was folding laundry: "Hmm.. there's a stain. Fold arms in. Fold front down. Check tag. Size 7. Probably Eliza's. Put in pile. Now towel. Fold. Fold. Fold. Fold. Now Underwear. Why do I fold these at all? Now socks..." I took note next time I was mopping the floor: "Scrub. Scrub. Forward. Back. More water. Scrub. Scrub. Wring. Wring." and it was the same for washing dishes, cleaning toilets, and weeding the garden.

Apparently this friend, and many others I have checked with think about real things as they fold or mop or wash or weed. They decide what they'll teach at family home evening. They remember our conversation and think of wise advice to pass onto me next time we speak. They wonder about their children's relationships. They ponder over doctrine!

I don't get it at all. I think "fold, fold." "Scrub, scrub."

In a workshop I gave a couple of weeks ago I used a quote that said that the measure of a person's character is what they think about when they have nothing to think about. What does it mean that I think "scrub" and "fold"?

But, it all falls apart if I think about anything else. Even when I try to do more than one mindless job at the same general time as another mundane task. Today for example. I decided to make bread, pizza dough, and cinnamon buns in succession since I would have all of the ingredients out. Meanwhile changing laundry every now and then and interacting with my children a tiny bit. Here was the result:

I washed three over-stuffed loads of laundry (and dried them) with the water level setting to "very small" load. (The clothes don't smell so great, but I think I'm going to fold them anyway.)

I forgot that I was kneading bread in the electric mixer and left to get my sick kids set up watching a movie. Which turned out to involve finding and watching three previews online to help them decide which one to watch, getting Dallin to fix the DVD player, and overseeing a negotiation between "Barbie Rapunzel" and "Bats and Balls." When I came back to the mixer (about 20 minutes later), some of the bread dough had overflowed onto the counter and the floor, some had entwined itself into the spring-motor thing above the dough hook attachment and was spreading black motor grease stuff throughout the bread, the motor was making strange noises, and the casing was about 300 degrees Fahrenheit. I picked out the black parts. Now the bread is rising.

I put an empty pitcher into the little sink in our island to fill with water, left for some reason or another, began vacuuming, and returned to flood across the island, waterfalls in the cupboards, and lake across the floor. (This is the third time I've had this exact fiasco.)

And I forgot to take Chas to the highlight of his week-hockey class.

Why do I do these things? Inability to multi-task, I've decided.

Another friend says, "Multitasking is the bad word of the 90s." I think I agree with her. A little bit like I cherish the sign on my mother's fridge: "Dull women have immaculate homes." Not because I actually think that, but because it comforts me in my ineptitude.

Do You Throw Socks Like This Away?

Me: Do you throw socks like this away?

Colleen: Are you kidding? I wait until there's an actual hole.

Me: Me too.

Colleen: And then I feel guilty that I don't know how to darn socks so that I can fix them.

Now this is a Kindred Spirit.

Was It Worth It To Stay Up Until 3 AM?

Absolutely yes.

Night One was 1 am, Night Two we played Rook instead. But last night it was 3 am.

Dallin was up reading his book. He said, "I listened for a while, but all you discussed was parenting and marriage." I guess he's right. But somehow it felt like so much more.

When we called it a night, I felt like we nearly had it all solved. A pretty impressive result for only seven hours of chatting. Here's what we concluded:

• Discouragement leads to Despair. Despair leads to Iniquity. Iniquity, of course, leads to Discouragement. We'd be better off to gaurd against discouragement than to try to stop the cycle farther down the path.
• Starting Chas in Music For Young Children, instead of sticking with the teacher we have, is probably biting off more than I can chew.
• Hope is not Naive and Cynicism is not a sign of Intelligence. Hope is the Lord's way. Is hope something we just fake until we grasp it?
• The parent who insists on a certain rule should be the one to enforce it.
• Scripture Study is more valuable than "just reading." Colleen takes two pages at a time and reads and re-reads them until she discerns the principle being taught there. She forces herself to discover a new principle every time. My cousin wakes up early every morning to pour over conference talks on parenting and look up every scripture contained in them.
• My amazing sister-in-law's parenting success may be due to the fact that she never gets emotionally drawn in to her children's fits, arguments, pouting, etc.
• It is valuable to have a pragmatic view of parenting. It will serve no purpose to despair that our children will grow up to be unhappy, undisciplined adults who cut themselves off from their parents who messed them up. It is better to pretend that they will grow up to be happy, helpful, selfless adults who are very grateful for their mothers. We have no idea which will actually be true, but we may as well assume the latter, it seems like it has a better chance of happening if we pretend it is going to.
• Labeling children with positive labels often makes them come true.
• We'll make more progress trying to strengthen our strengths than fix our weaknesses.
• If our friends who are human and love imperfectly think we are on the right path to Heavenly Father, surely the Lord whose love is perfect and merciful is pleased with our efforts.

By the way, I slept through Ward Conference today and four people commented on it to me. I'm sorry Bishop Croonen and President Christensen, I was up late last night working.

Why Does One Always Equal More?

This could also be entitled, "Is Soccer The Answer?" or "Is It All Or Nothing?"

The other night I went out with a girlfriend for dinner (Yeah!)

The meeting's agenda really only had one topic--What to do about our kids.

She said, "I'm going to figure this out for you." She's been watching the Dog Whisperer. Maybe it will be helpful. Maybe it has, or she has, some idea that the 30 + parenting books, 1,000 other conversations, and many tearful nights have not had.

She (a different she) has a lot of energy. She doesn't have something that she feels good at. "Maybe soccer would be the answer?" "Or maybe a jump rope team?" I've debated this one before. This would release energy, maybe this would release aggression? This might give her something to love. She could feel good about it. She could feel good about herself? (Is this completely flawed logic? That will be a question for another day.) Is that all that the thousands and thousands of hours of agony and discussion and soul searching boil down to? If I had just found soccer sooner...

For the record we have done soccer, and tap, and gymnastics, and ballet, and rhythmic gymnastics, and recorder, and Girl Guides, and computers, and photography, and biking, and...

Now comes the question above. At the moment we are one small family taking two girls to school, one boy to speech therapy, and two girls to piano lessons. (=5) We have not always been so streamlined. Maybe soccer is the answer? Chas would also like to play soccer, probably more than Naomi would. He has never gotten to try anything other than reading books on the couch with Mom, speech therapy, and brain surgery. Ok, soccer for two. Oh, and remember that slice of bologna in the middle? She has been pleading to take gymnastics again for about six months. She has a little friend who would like to take gymnastics with her, which would be very positive, because Eliza feels like she hasn't really made friends in our new lives here. (Now we're at 8.) Oh, by the way, soccer is one practice per week and one game per week. (Make that 10.) We'll take one order of sports for each child and continue on with piano lessons. It's time for Chas to start too. (=11) To add to my confusion, I am often circling around the fact that a tutor for Naomi might be helpful to make school not so much of a struggle. All tutors we've ever spoken to say that there isn't much benefit to the child without meeting two to three times per week. How can I say soccer is the answer when she may drown in school next year? We better add tutoring. (13-14) 14 plus Kindergarten plus Activity Days = 16.

Remember the Conference Talk a few years ago where Elder Ballard told of "one mother [whose] children had 29 scheduled commitments every week...She felt like a taxi driver." I think he said it as an extreme example. We all felt sorry for this poor mother who was so overstretched. She was probably just a mom with five kids each in one sport, one instrument, and church commitments. That equals 29 before you blink.

So, is it all or nothing? Would soccer help or cause more problems? Does it just open a can of worms? Am I over-analysing something that really should be a very simple decision about whether a kid wants to play on a neighborhood soccer team or not?

"The amount of children-and-parent time absorbed in the good activities of private lessons, team sports, and other school and club activities also needs to be carefully regulated. Otherwise, children will be overscheduled, and parents will be frazzled and frustrated. Parents should act to preserve time for family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and the other precious togetherness and individual one-on-one time that binds a family together and fixes children’s values on things of eternal worth." Elder Dallin H. Oaks (“Good, Better, Best,” Ensign, Nov 2007)