Two Epiphanies

The Thing I Am Most Grateful For...

is to have been born to parents who are genuine, loving, intelligent, reasonable people. People who are down-to-earth and emotionally stable. Ordinary and without drama. Cheerful and open. Honest and kind. A mother who taught me the gospel and a father who showed me how it can change your life. This is a gift in my life which impacts every moment of every day.


And The Best Decision I Have Ever Made...

Hands down, the best decision I ever made was the day I said I would marry a man who prioritized the gospel above everything else.

Not in a the-best-decision-I-ever-made-was-to-marry-the-hunk-of-a-dreamboat-that-I-did sort of way. But in the way that I decided what would matter most to me in the dreamboats (some of them not so much) that I did look at.

It was the moment when Dallin and I were dancing and he said that his friend had all these ambitions and dreams that he couldn't understand. I asked him what his dreams were. His answer changed the course of my life. He said, "My dream is to live the Gospel. I just want to follow the Saviour. That's all."

Well, that's all. And it makes all the difference in my world. It doesn't guarantee a successful business, or well-behaved children, or a house or a yard that look reasonable. It doesn't guarantee that no one will have a brain tumour, or a learning disability, or anything else. But it fills me with confidence and unifies us and prevents the myriad of marriage sinking difficulties that I see around us. Thank God!

how do i bear another's burden?

especially when the burden is my spouse's? because those burdens are mine too.

like, when chas was in the hospital the first time. i had a picture of us meeting crisis like a hallmark card. or like an ensign article. or like...well, i don't know...like the music on jodi's blog. all full of rainbows and marriage to your best friend and everything gonna be all right. it was a photo down a long stark hallway of a couple embracing and strengthening each other. it had a hazy lens look.

but, we weren't the picturesque image i imagined we would be. we were real. we were still us. we still bickered. we both felt overwhelmed. we were both worried beyond description. thank heavens we had others to strengthen us. to help us bear those burdens. i wished we could have carried each other. i wished, at the time, that i could sustain him. i wished he could console me.

as we meet challenges again, i wonder how i can deliver him? i don't like to watch people i love struggle. come to think of it, i don't like to struggle myself.

bearing another's burden, when its already a shared load is complicated. its like buying each other christmas gifts out of the same bank account.

do you just watch? like when a kid is throwing up and you sit by them even though its gross.

do you panic too, so that you are truly empathizing and then you both drown together?

do you smile and say it will all be ok and try to create a happy mood around the house which just might be the waterwings for everyone? but maybe that seems oblivious, even callous.

"the fold of God...his people...are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light" (mosiah 18:8)

i'm willing. i just haven't figured it out yet.
that could almost be my life motto. (or my next blog theme.)

When Everything Is Going Well...

...Does It Feel Like It Has Always Been That Way?

And When Everything Falls Apart, Does It Feel Like It Will Always Be That Way?

A friend asked me this question several months ago. She and I both agreed that when it's good, we feel that it has always been great and will be rosy from here on out. And when it's a mess, it feels so hopelessly like it has always been that way and will always continue to be that way.

So I started an informal poll of people I talk to and found that the vast majority (all but one) feel this same sort of narrow view. (Hats off to the one!!)

I've heard my brain tell me what a perfect marriage I truly do have only to be shocked a few weeks later that it is not. And I've felt that I would actually trade my children in for any others that were available because there's no way to fix the mess I've made.

This is not a healthy mental attitude, I've decided. It's too black and white. And it can't be what the Lord wants us to feel. So it must be from that Other Guy.

But, what do I do about it?

What Was I Thinking?

I was thinking how laid-back and easy going he was. (It was an act.)

Perhaps I was thinking that it was exotic to marry a Canadian.

I think I might have been thinking that we would lie on the grass as he expounded the scriptures to me. (Not too much grass lying has happened since we got married.)

I think I thought life would be a fun ride with him.

I know I was thinking that he said his dream was to live the Gospel.

I wasn't thinking that I would never worry for a day whether he would provide for his family.

I wasn't thinking how his cow-milking work ethic would sustain our marriage in rough patches.

I wasn't thinking that our first date, which cost no money, was a sign of future frugality.

I didn't know how grateful he would be for some of my talents. (Job-security for me.)

I didn't know that I would always feel like the most beautiful, talented woman on the planet in his eyes.

I didn't know how similar we were. Or how young. Or how immature.

I wasn't thinking how much he might need me. I didn't know how much I needed him.

Ten years in, I think it's all working out quite well.

When Can We Go Again?

We ate at Mexican restaurants. We took a nap. We hiked to nowhere. And we saw a mediocre musical.

It was wonderful!

When can we leave our kids for 55 hours and do it all again?

If A Husband And Wife Vote For Different Candidates...

...Do Their Votes "Cancel Each Other Out"?

Absolutely not!