Won't Anything Work?!?

I am so sick of all the crap everywhere I could scream!!

Wait a minute. I did scream.

I do scream!

It doesn't make a difference.

I dumped out 3/4 of it while they were away this summer. They didn't even notice.

And then the junk mated with other junk. Or spawned. Or multiplied through mitosis. Or cloned itself.

But somehow, in a matter of months we're back to the same old place.

Stuff everywhere. Five puzzle pieces here, three baby toys there. Two winter mitts that didn't make it into the winter gear storage box. One Christmas ornament, four dolls, one deck of cards, two light sabers, 17 odd socks, the favourite pillowcase, 9 hair baubles, a comb, seven sweatshirts.

And a partridge in a pear tree.

Have I mentioned that I could scream!?!

The Crap makes me so mad. (Pardon my French). Unreasonably mad.

There's a little me sitting on my shoulder telling me that my reaction is illogically out of proportion.

But the little red me with horns is coaxing me to throw it ALL away. All of it.

No more puzzles, pony tails, ponchos, or pear scented lotion. They can all just sit on the couch and look out the window and count the birds that fly by.

NAKED!! (The people, not the birds. Well, both actually, I guess.)

So tonight I started PLAN #42--The Junk Trunk!!

See, this one is going to work because it has a catchy name.

The idea is simple. I dump everything that is not put away into the Junk Trunk (See it rhymes. It's reeling you in too, isn't it?) They can dig through it if they need something. When the Trunk is full, I dump all of it in the garbage. (Sorry, landfills. Sorry, posterity. It's either fill the landfill or the asylum and my research shows that landfills require less taxpayer support.)

What Are You Good At?

The next time someone asks me
what I'm good at.
Or what I like to do.

I'm going to say that I like to
make To Do Lists.
And I'm really good at it too.

Who Are You, Baby Mark?

I was surprised to read in one of our old Christmas letters what a calming influence Eliza was having on our family. She was three months old, and already I used the word, "peacemaker." I didn't remember that I knew so soon.

When did I realize that Naomi was the thoughtful person she is, or that Chas was so funny? When does the blank slate theory break and the reality of fully-developed spirit emerge? 

We see some of you already, Baby Mark.  You are energetic and happy and bald, but I'm hoping that last one won't last forever.  You bring joy and light to our home.

Do They Make Shower Karaoke Machines?

"Oh what a beautiful mooor-nin'! Oh what a beauuuuu-tiful day! I've got a beautiful feeeeee-lin'--Everything's going my way. Do-bop do do do do doooo do. Do-wop do do do do dummmmm...

"Dankashane. Darling Dankashane. Wah-bop. La-di-dah. Do-di-dah. Du du du...

"If I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars), I would remember the words (I would remember the words)...

"Give said the little stream. Give Oh Give. Give Oh Give."

Of course, I can remember all those words. But no matter how jazzy Give Said the Little Stream gets, I'm just sure that my shower's acoustics and my vocal transcendence would be better utilized with all of the lyrics in tact on a Bare Naked Ladies Song.

They make everything in the world. Surely they make these.
And, by the way my birthday is just around the corner.

Was It You?

Or you?

or you?

or you? or you?

or you or you or you or you?


givinganonymously.org



Thank You!

Does Heavenly Father Get Tired of Us Asking For Blessings?

I often hear a sentiment similar to this expressed in Sunday School or other places. It often comes up near to when someone describes Him as resenting our lack of gratitude.

On the one hand, there is the Parable of the Unjust Judge who finally gave in because he was pestered so much. And the Lord does tell us that he will not give us a stone or a serpent when we ask for bread and fish.

And on the other hand, I wonder if we are assigning our own feelings to God.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)

Does God get tired?

Does He get tired of us asking for blessings?

Does He get sick of us the same way I get sick of my kids' constant requests and frequent ingratitude?

Or is asking for blessings just what He wants us to do because that is how we come to Him?

If the Unjust Judge blessed the widow just because she continued to ask so much, surely the Just Judge is ready to bless us. But how many times? Am I wearing out my welcome?

Does Squeegying the Shower...

...and Walking the Kids to School Every Now and Then Count as an Exercise Regime?

"Regime" makes it feel so likely to work.

The Million Dollar Question Is...

When on a path where every door seems to close and there are many hurdles,

does it mean

the Lord is saying,

"Turn back. Turn back. You're going the wrong way. Yoohoo. I'm trying to communicate with you. Hello? Take that other path."

or is He saying,

"Trials will make you stronger. Remember the pioneers? Their children died, their wagons broke, but they stayed on the same path and were better people for it."

???

"Why Are You Crying About This?"

"Cuz if I keep crying then you'll make me sit on the stairs and I won't have to finish unloading the dishwasher."

I think this indicates a breakdown in my parenting strategies.

Do You Know What Tempts Me To Lie?

When I do Chas's hair and it looks awful. I let them believe he did it himself. I even add that "Santa brought him his very own gel in his stocking."

When one tiny little, turns out to be stinky, toot escapes the hatch. Thank goodness for a baby to blame it on. He doesn't even mind.

When an official, permanent, document asks my weight. I'd tell anyone rather than tell that document that is going to be typed and stare me in the face every time we go through the border for years to come. The irony is that my history will show that nailing down any weight in type would be better what the real weight will be two years from now.

When something costs $1.94 and I bought seven of them. Can I just say they were a dollar each?

When my children are exhausted and cranky at 6:45 on New Year's Eve and I realize that a three hour movie only gets us to quarter of ten. Is setting the clocks forward a lie? Or is it more like optional daylight savings? It sure made for a cheerful New Year's Day.

When Is The Deadline For A Goal To Be A New Year's Reslolution?

New Year's Resolutions have so much more power. So much more longevity. So much more resolve.

I don't want my goals to just be goals. I want them to be RESOLUTIONS!

Is January 5th too late?

How about February 11th?

I think I'd have better hope of keeping them if I set them at the end of December. Will that still count?

I'm having trouble settling on a balance between the year that I set 81 new year's resolutions and fell flat on my face and the following year where I set only one and failed completely.

What's the Difference Between Cheap and Frugal?

.
What's the difference between generous and foolish?

What Difference Does It Make To Know That I Am A Child of God?

That's the question I'm going to ask the Primary kids in Sharing Time today.

It's hard to imagine not knowing this truth. It's so simple.

And so powerful.

I've known it for so long that I can't remember not knowing it.

But, when I think of it slowly, I think that it makes all the difference in the world.

I think it changes how I treat my neighbours, my enemies, my brothers and sisters.

I think it gives me confidence that I am valuable. And hope that I am heading somewhere.

It gives me patience. Not all the time, of course, but sometimes.

It gives me freedom and peace.

Why is it OK to Whistle in Public, but Not OK to Sing?

Why can't you stand facing the back of the elevator?

And why can't you sit at the same table with someone else in a cafeteria?

Why are you allowed to sneeze in public, but your stomach growling is faux pas?

Sometimes social customs just drag me down.

"Do You Remember The New Year's Resolution You Set This Morning?"

"No."

"To be nicer to your sister?"

"I didn't say I was going to start right away."

"Today is New Years Day. This is when it starts."

"I'll start for sure tomorrow.
I'll be nice to her for a whole week.
Starting tomorrow."


Oh dear. This must be a genetic flaw.