how do i bear another's burden?

especially when the burden is my spouse's? because those burdens are mine too.

like, when chas was in the hospital the first time. i had a picture of us meeting crisis like a hallmark card. or like an ensign article. or like...well, i don't know...like the music on jodi's blog. all full of rainbows and marriage to your best friend and everything gonna be all right. it was a photo down a long stark hallway of a couple embracing and strengthening each other. it had a hazy lens look.

but, we weren't the picturesque image i imagined we would be. we were real. we were still us. we still bickered. we both felt overwhelmed. we were both worried beyond description. thank heavens we had others to strengthen us. to help us bear those burdens. i wished we could have carried each other. i wished, at the time, that i could sustain him. i wished he could console me.

as we meet challenges again, i wonder how i can deliver him? i don't like to watch people i love struggle. come to think of it, i don't like to struggle myself.

bearing another's burden, when its already a shared load is complicated. its like buying each other christmas gifts out of the same bank account.

do you just watch? like when a kid is throwing up and you sit by them even though its gross.

do you panic too, so that you are truly empathizing and then you both drown together?

do you smile and say it will all be ok and try to create a happy mood around the house which just might be the waterwings for everyone? but maybe that seems oblivious, even callous.

"the fold of God...his people...are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light" (mosiah 18:8)

i'm willing. i just haven't figured it out yet.
that could almost be my life motto. (or my next blog theme.)

Is This Plant Going To Make It?

It's not looking too promising.

"Are We Cute?"

"Are we cute? Will you take a picture of us?"

I acquire 80% of my photos because my kids tell me they are cute and that I ought to take a picture. The other 20% comes from them using the camera themselves to take pictures of inanimate objects around the house.

What Are We Having For Breakfast?

Cold Cereal.

Is it Sunday?

Uh-huh.

Awwwwww.
Do we have to go to church?

Of course we're going to church.

I hate church.

Remember our family home Evening lesson with the Smarties? Remember why it is so important to keep the Sabbath Day Holy?

So that Heavenly Father can bless us.

That’s right and we really need those blessings right now.

But Heavenly Father could have answered
our prayers a long time ago.

I know that Heavenly Father listens to us and will bless us
with what will make us happy. He wants us to be happy.

It would make me happy not to go to church.
Does Heavenly Father want me to be happy?


Why do I always get trapped
on these kid logic conversations?

How Much Longer Can I Scrutinize My Life...

...Voice My Insecurities, and Question Everything?

I'm going to have to come up with a new Blog theme.

What's the Difference Between Forgiving...

...Forgetting, and Sweeping Under the Rug?

Are they all shades of the same colour?

Or different colours altogether?

Are they step 1, 2, and 3?

Is the only measure of forgiveness the response to next time?

All I can say is I am grateful that forgetting comes easily to me.

Can a Three Month Old Be Bored?

Baby,
please keep crying
when you're not
tired
or stinky
or hungry.

Please cry
when you are bored.

Otherwise
I'm afraid
we will forget
to talk to you
for days on end.

What Can I Do To Have Today Again Tomorrow?

Start at 5:00 with a baby who slept all night.
Watch rainbows grow in the sky on our walk to school.
Reach the end of the rainbow. Literally.
Fill an Ikea bag full of food and clothes and games for the family whose house burned down last night.
Deliver the bag.
Complete all the errands, even the dry cleaning.
Invite Chas on a lunch date and watch his eyes shine over his worms & dirt dessert.
Laugh together at Calvin & Hobbes with Eliza.
Listen to Naomi's post-Activity Days chatter without rushing her.
Soak in the hot tub so that someone can listen to my chatter.
Discover the secret to making the baby giggle. (a belt snapping on the bed--no wonder it took us so long to figure it out.)

Count the tender mercies of the Lord in my life.

It was so great, I think I'll do it all again tomorrow.

"Life is like an old-time rail journey-delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." (Gordon B. Hinckley)

What Could Be Better?

It started earlier this week with a bowl of Breyers Brownie Mudpie.

But it wasn't salty enough.

The next bowl had a bit of peanut butter stirred in. Yum. Almost like a Ben & Jerry's flavour.

The next one was the same.

But that got old.

Tonight I discovered the chocolate sauce in the fridge.

I have arrived.

The brownie mudpie. The peanut butter. The fudge sauce.

Good thing I have also arrived at the end of the box.

Are You Getting What You Need?

Everyone else in this family takes what they need.

You wait for what you need.

Are you getting it?

Answer #13--It's All About Consistency

The power in prayer is cumulative.

My little acts of kindness only amount to anything in their total effect.

My children feel the importance of the temple when they notice that, "we just went to the temple a few weeks ago."

Each Family Home Evening is lonely and insignificant on its own.

Putting up with it and waiting it out and letting it go become patience in their quantity.

Our savings account grows with $50/month. It seems to shrink when I wait until we have enough money to put in.

"In my office is a beautiful painting of a wheat field. The painting is a vast collection of individual brushstrokes—none of which in isolation is very interesting or impressive. In fact, if you stand close to the canvas, all you can see is a mass of seemingly unrelated and unattractive streaks of yellow and gold and brown paint. However, as you gradually move away from the canvas, all of the individual brushstrokes combine together and produce a magnificent landscape of a wheat field. Many ordinary, individual brushstrokes work together to create a captivating and beautiful painting.

Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable. But just as the yellow and gold and brown strokes of paint complement each other and produce an impressive masterpiece, so our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results. “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33). Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work in our individual lives and as we become more diligent and concerned in our own homes." (David A. Bednar)

On the other hand, something is always better than nothing.

How Many More Times Will We Get To Do This?

We'll soon have our own temple (in Langley), so we don't have many more six hours of movies in the car, all-you-can-eat buffets, kill time at the park down the street, blow money at Deseret Book trips in our future.

I will miss them.

In some ways the six hours of time to connect with my husband, the sacrifice of a little time and money, and the preparations necessary to make it a happy experience for my kids make our temple trips each month all the sweeter.

Maybe I'll still go to Seattle even when there's a temple down the street.

All I know is that when we lived in Salt Lake, with temples around every corner, we often missed attending every month. Since we've lived in Vancouver, we rarely miss a month, even though it requires much more of us. Why is that?

"I hope you are using the temple constantly, because you will gain blessings there that you cannot gain anywhere else on the face of the whole earth. The temple stands as a monument for all to see. It stands as a statement that we as a people believe in the immortality of the human soul. Everything that occurs in that temple is of an uplifting and ennobling kind. It speaks of life here and life beyond the grave. It speaks of the importance of the individual as a child of God. It speaks of the importance of the family as a creation of the Almighty. It speaks of the eternity of the marriage relationship. It speaks of going on to greater glory. It is a place of light, a place of peace, a place of love where we deal with the things of eternity." (Gordon B. Hinckley)

Why Are All of My Friends So Much More Talented...

...and Wittier, and Smarter, and More Generous, and Wiser Than I Am?

I must have really good taste.

Why Am I Blogging? (Part IV)

It's like a grocery list for my questions.

You know how when you realize you need sour cream or cleanser or cinnamon it nags at the back of your brain until you write it down?

Oh, no. What was it that I was supposed to remember at the store.
Was it sage? Baking soda? Tissues?
Why didn't I write it down?

Even when I write it on a scrap of paper doomed to be lost long before the grocery store trip, I still feel better. And that annoying voice saying: Cleanser. Cleanser. Don't forget the Cleanser. You're going to forget, I know you are, finally leaves me alone.

It's that same way with all of these questions plugging up my mind.

Blog on scrap of paper and have done with it.

How Could It Possibly Be 11 O'Clock Already?

Kindergarten pick-up time.

All I did was nurse and clean two bathrooms.

Stinky. (The bathrooms and the pick-up time.)

Oh, and I wrote this little blog.

"What's The Hokey Pokey?"

Chas asked this morning. Eliza didn't know either. Nor Naomi.

Last week they wondered what sparklers were.



I rectified the sparkler problem on Halloween and the Hokey Pokey ignorance this afternoon in our living room.

They don't have a clue what's on TV. The only music they're exposed to at home is from before I was born. We had to Google the 4th grade music craze, Demi Lovato. They don't know what's playing at the movie theatres or the name of anybody famous except Obama. I'm not sure they know that video games exist.

What a deprived existence I'm carving out for our children.

The same one my mother created for me. The one I'm so very grateful for.

What's Up With Moods? (Part II)

crunchy leaves and pink noses
sun on top and fog beneath
sweatshirt weather
a peaceful pace because we're not late
children holding hands
with each other!
and autumn smells
on our way to school this morning

All Is Right With The World.

What If I Made a List

of all of the things I do today
instead of all of the things I need to do?

It might be a really short list.

Who Does Chas's Big Pumpkin Look Like?

Don't start guessing family members.

We chewed on this one for a while.

Dallin finally got it worked out...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Jean Claude!

.

The French Pea from Veggie Tales!!

.

Ta-Da!!!

I guess Chas had a vision when he was determined to carve the tiniest face on the top of the hugest pumpkin in our Halloween history (or Halloween future, by the way.)

Where's The Candy?

I knew I'd regret this decision. (click here)

I just didn't know I'd regret it so soon.

How Is Chas Doing? (Part II)

(original post--click here)

This is not really a post about how Chas is doing at all. How he's doing involves soccer goals and piano practices, kindergarten field trips and playdates, birthday parties and work projects with dad. A bunch of delightfully typical, normal, run-of-the-mill kind of stuff.

This is really all about a 13 mm nodule in his brain that is sitting there doing nothing. Affecting nothing. And, for the last eight months, not changing, growing, spreading, or doing anything at all.

.

Thank God.

.

Literally.

-------March 2009 MRI-----------------------October 2009 MRI----

Does It Really Matter If Kids Close Their Eyes During The Prayer?

We've been fighting this battle for 5+ prayers a day for 8 years. (That's 14,600 prayers)

Sometimes we're mad

sometimes we whisper gently during the prayer

sometimes we ignore it and hope it will go away

sometimes we have powerful Family Home Evening lessons on respecting our Father in Heaven

sometimes we have close-your-eyes contests

sometimes we recite the five things we do during a prayer preceding every prayer

and sometimes I wonder why we bother at all.

Isn't it only really about creating a personal relationship with God? Can't that be done with their eyes open?

When do we declare defeat?

Now What?

I decided to go with my cousin Jodi's theory.(click here)

And after Star Wars and limitless sugar had induced a catatonic state

I explained the dangers of sugar

to their newly forming grown-up teeth

and to their mental capacity to retain spelling words and

other equally critical scholastic information

and to their athletic prowess on the netball court and soccer field

and to the respiratory and cardiovascular health

of their distant future.

They agreed that the risks were much too great and gathered up all of their sugar and dumped it into one enormous UNICEF bag, which I promised I would, under no conditions, throw away.

So, now what do I do with all of it?

Dallin, hide it from me.

Hide it deeply.

Like, in Milwaukee.