Where is He?

there were

thirty-one snowmen
four fire trucks
one mayor
one member of parliament
two bubble machines
one gigantic christmas tree
forty-four air cadets
three marching bands
one scottish dance troupe
an inflatable santa on a motorcycle
a couple of rock bands
one scout troop
a 4-H team
four girl guide groups
and handfuls of mini candy canes

and just when I had lost all hope,

there was one simply robed woman
sitting calmly on a donkey
led by a quiet man

and I thought
that maybe
all is not lost

Answer #9--Life Is Good

there is nothing like

a groggy tiny person

with eyes half drooped

and milk dripping off his chin

his arms raised to their full extent

(which only gets them up to his ears)

making the softest snoring sound

as he's flopped over my shoulder

to remind me that Earth Life Is Good

and that Heavenly Father Loves Me

And then,

as if to demonstrate that

the best is yet to be,

sometimes

he has his head facing this way

and he smiles that gummy

"I-can-still-remember-heaven" smile

and all is right in the world

Is Robert Browning Right?

Oh, please, please let it be true.

Grow old along with me!

The best is yet to be,

The last of life, for which the first was made:

Our times are in His hand

Who saith "A whole I planned,

Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!"

...Not for such hopes and fears

Annulling youth's brief years,

Do I remonstrate: folly wide the mark!

Rather I prize the doubt

Low kinds exist without,

Finished and finite clods, untroubled by a spark.

Poor vaunt of life indeed,

Were man but formed to feed

On joy, to solely seek and find and feast:

Such feasting ended, then

As sure an end to men;

Irks care the crop-full bird? Frets doubt the maw-crammed beast?

Rejoice we are allied

To That which doth provide

And not partake, effect and not receive!

A spark disturbs our clod;

Nearer we hold of God

Who gives, than of His tribes that take, I must believe.

Then, welcome each rebuff

That turns earth's smoothness rough,

Each sting that bids nor sit nor stand but go!

Be our joys three-parts pain!

Strive, and hold cheap the strain;

Learn, nor account the pang; dare, never grudge the throe!

...Not once beat "Praise be Thine!

I see the whole design,

I, who saw power, see now love perfect too:

Perfect I call Thy plan:

Thanks that I was a man!

Maker, remake, complete,--I trust what Thou shalt do!"

...Therefore I summon age

To grant youth's heritage,

Life's struggle having so far reached its term:

Thence shall I pass, approved

A man, for aye removed

From the developed brute; a god though in the germ.

And I shall thereupon

Take rest, ere I be gone

Once more on my adventure brave and new:

Fearless and un-perplexed,

When I wage battle next,

What weapons to select, what armour to indue.

...Youth ended, I shall try

My gain or loss thereby;

Leave the fire ashes, what survives is gold:

And I shall weigh the same,

Give life its praise or blame:

Young, all lay in dispute; I shall know, being old.

...So, take and use Thy work:

Amend what flaws may lurk,

What strain o' the stuff, what warpings past the aim!

My times be in Thy hand!

Perfect the cup as planned!

Let age approve of youth, and death complete the same!

(Robert Browning)

Which Opinion Is Really Mine?

There are about 60 blog entries to prove that I feel insecure in my capacity as mother.

BUT--insinuate that four might be too many for me as Dallin's Aunt did last night, or suggest that I am too young as hairdressers have for years, or that children's needs are best met in families of two children ideally spaced as several neighbours have, and here's the earful you get:

"Well, it sure seems to me that people educated, conscientious, and reasonably compassionate as I am ought to be having very large families. If we leave all of the child bearing to people who are so uneducated, stupid, or irresponsible as to think that raising children takes no thought our future will be grim. We who are trying to teach children to be socially responsible, honest, loving people need to have enough children to outnumber the ones who are growing up in a catch-it-as-you-can approach to values. I fully expect that my children will become responsible, hard-working, honest, kind people because of the effort that my husband and I are putting into their upbringing now. They are fortunate to have a father who sets an example of hard-work, honesty, and perseverance. They are lucky to have a mother who is sacrificing all sorts of things in order to go on every school fieldtrip, bring them home at lunch time when they need it, teach them to love people and literature and right. They already have learned to value courage, defending right, helping the weak, speaking the truth, education, and more and I've only had 8 years with them!"

And beware of mentioning to me how expensive it is to raise children, because that's a whole other tirade about what is really required to create these idyllic children mentioned above and by the way Dallin and I have three degrees between us and not a cent of debt for it. So there.

Well, it doesn't happen too often, but every now and then, I think, or at least say, how great a job I think I'm doing and how splendidly my children are turning out. You just have to ask the right question.

What Is Hope?

I was given a blessing when Chas was in the hospital a year ago that instructed me that I was to have hope.

I had been trying to grapple realistically with what a 33% chance that he would never speak again meant. To be realistic and face the numbers head-on felt wise. To hope seemed naive.

Now I'm in a position again of needing to hope, but I don't know what that means.

Does hope mean to act a sentiment of light-heartedness until I feel it sincerely? Fake it 'till you make it?

Does it mean to trust that it will all be all right in the end? The so-far-away eternal end? Well I know that, and it doesn't quite feel like hope.

Does it mean to wish?

Does it mean to pray? Because one of the things that an understanding of the gospel brings is a knowledge that trials, even severe ones, are in the Lord's plan for us and that they will strengthen us. Prayer brings us to the Lord, but it doesn't tend to eliminate trials (Joseph of Egypt or Nephi or Joseph Smith, for example.)

Is it to expect that Dallin will get a job soon enough that our lives aren't disrupted?

Is it to feign certainty that Chas will not grow another brain tumour?

Is it to count on everyone else's confidence that my children will turn out fine?

Is it just to endure challenges cheerfully?

I have heard that it is to anticipate a positive outcome and prepare for a negative one. That feels like a cop-out. In other words, they don't know what it means either, so let's just cover both bases to be safe.

Is hope in the scriptures really only about hope in the saving power of Christ? I do have complete confidence in that power. And it is an anchor to my soul. And it keeps me from despair in this and all other trials. So is that all? Just sit tight and it will all be OK decades from now.

Jeremiah says we should hope and "quietly wait" on the Lord.
Jacob says that he wrote the words of scriptures hoping that his children would receive them with thankful hearts. Many did not.
Moroni, Alma, President Uchtdorf and others say that hope and faith and charity come together.
In Psalms it says that hope is about not forgetting the Lord's works and keeping his commandments.

Maybe hope is just continuing to be aware of the Lord and to do what's right while we wade through stuff.